BvS Movie Review

 Director: Zack Snyder
 Film Rating: PG-13
 Personal rating of the movie:

Let's get this out of the way first.

My ideal Bruce Wayne is Christian Bale.
My ideal Batman is Micheal Keaton.
My favourite overall is Adam West.
( Fair enough to say that my ideal man can't exist in real life.)
I guess it's fair to say that Daredevil stacked the odds against Ben Affleck's Batman from the moment that I heard the announcement. His Daredevil performance helped with that prejudice A LOT. (Crazy ass Bullseye was the best thing about that sorry movie, but we're not here to talk about that.)

I guess that BvS just started off on a bad note. Bruce Wayne being in Metropolis when Zod was destroying the place? Oh come on, that's too much a stretch of imagination! No, stop forcing these ridiculous things, even in a superhero movie about a flying alien man who bounces bullets off his eyeball.

Affleck's Bruce/Batman is so boring. Absolutely nothing about him is memorable to me. (Alright, if one thing surprised me, given Zack's using Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns as inspiration, it's that the little girl he rescued amid the rubble isn't Carrie Kelley, and that Bruce didn't straight up adopt her within 5 minutes.) Also, for "the world's greatest detective, this Bruce didn't act too bright. How is he so easily played by Lex Luthor?! Another scream "OH COME ON!!!" at the screen moment for me. "HOW IS THIS BATMAN SO FUCKING STUPID?!" Perhaps he headbutted his bulletproof vest wearing enemies one too many times and a screw came loose somewhere?! (The fact that these thoughts were flying through my head DURING the movie says quite a lot.) 

For a movie that's called Batman v Superman, it's almost ironic that the most memorable characters were Lois Lane and Wonder Woman. Probably Wonder Woman, since this Lois Lane was also quite idiotic at getting herself into those damsel-in-distress situations. (Yes, Lois is supposed to be brave and gusty, unafraid to put herself into dangerous situations for the sake of m̶o̶v̶i̶n̶g̶ t̶h̶e̶ s̶t̶o̶r̶y̶ a̶l̶o̶n̶g̶, I mean, getting her reporter's cred with newsworthy stories, but some of the scenarios in this movie is plain stupid. I guess it's quite fitting, given how dumb everything else that happens, but URGH.)

That "Martha" scene though. I don't care how "moving" it was supposed to be. I guffawed out loud. (I'm not sorry.) I'd admit though that for the first hour after the movie, I was wondering how I didn't think about these best bros' mothers before. But then I realized we were lucky that their dad's didn't share the same name too, or the whole thing would just turn into a bro make out session, Lex be forgotten.

Doomsday is a terrible villain, though it was such a beautiful thing to FINALLY see Wonder Woman spring into action. I just wish that she'd have gotten a better introduction!

So, is there any redeeming quality to this movie? Yes, just Wonder Woman. If you went in there and fell asleep until the last quarter of the movie, it's really no big loss. Wonder Woman shows up to fight big bad monster. That is all you need to watch. You might end up having a better impression since you didn't have to sit though the rest of the boring, needless, pointless, time-wasting build-up.

As for the "cameo" appearances of the future JLA members? I fucking hope you guys get a decent solo movie. You deserve better. ALL of you! Wonder Woman gets this abysmal movie two stars because she's fucking awesome. That's all.